know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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