Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
