Plan B is the new Plan A
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
