So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
