and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize