My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
