I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
