the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
