I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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