yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
