i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
