I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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