I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
