Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
