but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
