eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
