He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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