4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
