I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
