he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
