sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
