Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
