Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
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I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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