I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
