so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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