you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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