just tell him i said nine months
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
