I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
