i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
