just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
