sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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