...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
