Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
