I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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