took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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