just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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