It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize