Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
