and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
