I am in a vortex of obligation.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
