no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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