did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
