piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
jump out the window naked night went bad
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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