the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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