I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
