The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize