we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
