Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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