Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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