if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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