i wish my penis had a tongue
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
