Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
be right there i have to get my cape
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
