i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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