Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
