I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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