There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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