You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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