I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
