apparently the secret to your success is patron
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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