I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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