you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
