I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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