i permit you to call me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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