He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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