I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
