just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
