Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
