Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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