Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
