Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
